Monday, August 30, 2010

No, I Do Not Have a Gambling Problem

It is Monday, and it is the dawn of the second week I have been the resident of a casino in Biloxi, Mississippi.

No, I do not have a gambling problem.

What I do have, however, is a husband who is the new territory manager of a huge chunk of coastal Mississippi and Louisiana, and he has to work.  Even though we have no house.

My wake up call?  Sunlight streaming over the bay and bathing the fishing ships in the morning sun and streaming into my window.  My neighbors?  Mostly quirky older couples (with fannie packs and tube socks) who wake up early to hit the buffet and then settle in at the casino.  My days?  Visiting house after house (after house) usually to discover that there is visible water damage present or that the neighboring yard is full of large, mistreated (and therefore aggressive) dogs.  My nights?  Dozing off with craiglist open on my computer screen and a list of potential homes at my side.

We did, however, visit the casino Saturday night, just for kicks.  It might has well have been a foreign planet, or the Chuck-E-Cheese of the adult world.  Take your pick.  After fighting our way through the smoke and the cougars with their cocktails, we managed to lose about $40 in slot machines in what must be record time, so we fled back to our room where we could pretend like everything is normal.

But it's not.  We live in a casino, for crying out loud!  At least there's a lady to make the bed.

Has your husband's job ever taken you somewhere strange?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A Daddy for Amos

I adopted Amos (my Big Strong Man) on September 9, 2006 (happy almost adoptiversary, sweetie pie!)from a shelter in Tallahassee, FL while I was in grad school at FSU.  I always hoped this sweet fella would one day have a daddy of his very own.  Someone to look up to. Someone to put treats in his bowl.  Someone to turn on the water in the sink when he's thirsty.  Someone to fish the toy mouse out from behind the refrigerator.

Did that happen?  Well, let's just say, Britt and Amos are both still alive.  That's something, right?  Britt loves dogs.  He's never owned a cat (gasp!).  He things they are boring, morose, and cold.  (Clearly, he misunderstands them.)

When Britt first met my Big Strong Man, he pushed him off the back of my sofa so he could have a headrest (Ah young Britt had so much to learn!).  He still pets Amos too hard (like a dog) and doesn't understand which look means "scratch behind my ears" and which means "I'm trying to nap here, k?"  And Amos still jumps on Britt's chest at 5 A.M. and wakes him up, causing a string of in-the-dark cursings. 

But the bond is forming.  The other night right after we turned out the lights, Amos jumped into our bed and positioned himself carefully across Britt's knees and immediately fell asleep, causing Britt to sleep awkwardly for half the night, all for the sake of not waking Amos, who was resting so peacefully.

He's officially a true cat lover, wouldn't you say?

Did either of you bring a pet into the marriage?  What did you or your husband do to adjust?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Prank You Very Much

I suppose Britt got married because he didn't have a niece/nephew or pet he could torment.  So, he arranged for there to be this unsuspecting gal who is emotionally (and legally) bound to him and who is trapped in the same residence.  She cannot escape.  Her trust of him is her enemy. 

In the past several months, he has:

-jumped out and scared her almost every time she exits her bathroom
-jumped out and scared her almost every time she exits the guest bathroom
-put her underwear outside in a tree
-thrown a big cup of cold water on her while she showered
-turned off the bathroom lights while she showered

In case you haven't caught on, she=me.

It wasn't until I actually wrote this list that I noticed a pattern emerge....Britt relies heavily on the bathroom for his scares.  That's valuable info.

Knowlege is power.

Does your husband think it's hysterical to scare or prank you?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I Got Married Because....

There are many reasons that starry-eyed little girls grow up to be starry-eyed big girls who enter into the covenant of marriage.  For better or for worse.  For richer or for poorer.  For settling down or for moving twice within three months.  Which ever, right?

Marriage, I've found in these few short months, is a blessed institution, but in many ways, it is not exactly what I expected. To illustrate my confusion, I bring you, "I got married because."

I got married because....

1.  I wanted to cook Paula Deen-style meals in my Southern Living-style home.

Duh, these things don't happen right away. Who knew, right?  It's a tiny rental, decorated with my husband's books and the cat knick-knacks I got on the honeymoon.  And I can't even find the Corningware.  Call the pizza guy.

2. I wanted a companion.

Too bad, Kelly!  I just figured this up.  Since we got married, between jobs and vacations and moving and traveling, we have spent a maximum of three consecutive weeks together.  So as of right now, we're more like good friends who get together whenever possible. Which isn't often.

3.  I wanted to create a home.

Too bad we don't have one.  Well, that's not entirely true.  We have one, but after living there together exactly five days, Britt received a promotion, and we're moving to two states away.  Time to look for a new new house.  And pack everything. back. up.   Marriages don't need stability, anyway.  Do they?

4. I wanted to marry my husband.  And since the marriage took, I really can't complain.  But I will.   Hey, you wanna hang up the wet bath mat once in a while?

Why did you get married?  What about marriage was so not like you thought it would be?

Related Posts with Thumbnails